One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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