my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
