Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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