i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
