And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
