If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
