He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
