There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
