well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
