party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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