I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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