The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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