i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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