I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
