Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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