booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
