is your mom at the bar?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she peed on how many people?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
