I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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