I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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