The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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