You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
