god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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