you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
