The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
