worst night to have a conscience
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
