So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
