I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
