Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Farmville is her only friend.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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