addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
