I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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