what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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