worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
