yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
