how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
