You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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