glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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