He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
