Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
