I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
