When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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