just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
