Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
