yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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