i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
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I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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