FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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