HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
