Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
