Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
