Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Mom said you looked used
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
