I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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