how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
