I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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