Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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