no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
