doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
