I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
