Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
