I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
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I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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