I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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