the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
