she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
