What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
