you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
