Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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