I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He better not be in your backpack
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
