My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
