playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
