can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
