HIV tests are more positive than that guy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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