Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
