I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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