Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
