Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
