i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
