Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
