I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
