I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
