she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Found the puke drawer
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
