I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
