saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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