can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
